Nappy-change management

There are some big changes going on. I’ve been wondering if the planets are aligned in some rare and dramatic way that is causing the seismic shifts we are experiencing in our little family. Everything is changing.

In yoga therapy, change is known as Parinama. When a yoga therapist works with a student, they follow the four steps of healing, starting by observing symptoms (Heyam), then looking for the cause of those symptoms (Hetu). Parinama is right up there with the Kleshas (ego, fear, desire, ignorance and hatred), Tapa (desire/addiction) and Samskara (patterns of behaviour/belief) as a cause of the emotional, mental and physiological symptoms of illness.

Of course, its our response to change that makes the difference between good and poor health outcomes and those responses are closely linked to our past experiences and patterns of behaviour (Samskaras). With that in mind, I have been observing my own health and noting how my reaction to change has been affecting my health.

When my one year old son starts to behave more like a toddler than a baby (tantrums, opinions and general non-compliance, particularly around nappy changes), I race to the book shelves to see what the baby-experts have to say – surely there’s a way to fix this unwelcome behaviour? When my partner is made redundant, I go in to overdrive, finding ‘creative’ ways to plug the financial gap with new schemes. When my mother visits from the UK and needs somewhere local and economical to stay, I pour out ideas for finding house-sitting, room-sharing and Winnebago driving solutions. I am a fixer. Whether it’s finding ways to accommodate the changing needs of my growing children or raising enough cash to pay the bills, I am right on the case, looking for the best ‘fix’.

And there’s the source of my fatigue, my sore throat, my all-round grumpiness. Because, you see, I can’t fix it all. I can certainly contribute ideas, provide support, find ways to manage the various situations in which we find ourselves as a family. But I can’t ‘fix’ toddlerhood. I can’t ‘make’ my partner get another job. So, what to do? Well, for now I’m working on Bhavana – setting and visualising goals without attachment to the outcome. Gosh, that’s hard! I’m looking at my notes for the yoga therapy workshop I’m facilitating later today and I can see the sentence “Dukham=Suffering. Yoga evolved to heal suffering.” So, it’s back to yoga I go. Not to fix my sore throat or even to help me find a solution to the challenges I’m facing. But to help heal the suffering. In my case, that means using yoga to help me moderate my response to change. I think it’s time to let go of trying to fix things and to start letting them be.